Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
