Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
