Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
