I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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