Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
