Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
