I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
