I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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