It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
