it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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