god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize