I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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