That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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