Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
