You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
