i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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