I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
