dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
