Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
