Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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