I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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