Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize