Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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