i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
