Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
