I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
