The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
