who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
