): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize