please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
