i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
