u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Welp...herpes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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