I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
