Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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