I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
