i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
