My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
