i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize