I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
