I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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