You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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