I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
