I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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