It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
