Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
