I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
