Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
time to smoke my breakfast
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
