Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
