singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
