It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
