i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
