I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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