I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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