I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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