Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
one two three fourrrrnication!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
