I cockslap morals
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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