I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
