I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize