too bad you live with your parents still
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
