Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
