The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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