no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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