i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
