i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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