Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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