I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
