this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
