I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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