omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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