miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize