You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
