she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my poor anus
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize