I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
