It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
